No shit: this actually happened

Because my 5 readers are chomping at the bit for more updates (and of course, this is theoretical), I'm going to tell you what may turn out to be the "best possible thing to happen to me that could eventually lead to a blog post about my first 24 hours in a foreign country." Catchy, right?

So, two of the teachers at SLI (one was a former teacher) decided to take me out to a traditional Korean night on the town my first jet-lagged night in Korea. What I came to understand that to mean was gorging myself on sam gyop sal (three layers of pig fat, basically the most delicious bacon you'll ever eat) and getting absolutely trashed on soju and mekju (beer, but not exactly the porters and stouts I regularly choose). Korea is not a classy way to get tipsy, its the gearhead's pregnant girlfriend doing so much coke that she's bleeding out of her ears type nasty drunk. But we've all been there. I digress.

Just before our meal, we come upon a large group of people beginning to form in the middle of the square in Sunae. Wondering what all the grumbling and mumbling was about, we decided to join the drunken mob and investigate. What we found there was a 5'7" dude in a sparring helmet and boxing gloves and his overactive trainer motioning at people in the crowd. I turned to ask Mike, "What the hell is going on?" He responded, "This guy is a karate pro and is trying to spar with random people to train for an upcoming event." I of course immediately realized the gravity of the situation: on my first night in an Asian country, you are actually fucking telling me that a scene from the movie Bloodsport is going to play out literally 150 feet away from my apartment?

Awesome.

What actually happened may have been even better. The mixed martial artist wrapped his arms behind his back to show that he wasn't going to throw any punches. He was practicing dodging using nothing but his guile and the keen sense of random necessary to think its a good idea to do karate in the middle of a 400,000 person city on a Friday night. The trainer convinced one eager-to-impress-his-hot-girlfriend teenager to fight, who then proceeded to look like a complete ass. Punch after punch, the 17 year old couldn't seem to connect with semi-toothed martial artist. Eventually, the boy got tired of throwing punches and missed so wildly that the professional reached back and slapped him across the face with his fat hand. It was absolutely hilarious and probably one of the best unplanned experiences of my life (though mom walking in on my "private time" takes a distant 576th, sorry Mom.)

Cabin Fever

A few random thoughts during my flight over to Korea:

International flights are the bee's knees.  

Not only are we served 2 meals, a hearty noodle snack, and a few treats, but alcohol is FREE on United international flights.  My initial flight to San Francisco was delayed heading from Atlanta, so I didn't get much time to regroup and collect my thoughts (read: get plastered before the 12 hour flight) before I boarded UA flight 839 (check number).  

I was definitely pleasantly surprised to find that I would be treated to not one, but 3 jack and cokes on my flight as well as a Heineken at no additional cost.  I guess they've been in the business long enough to realize that 12 hours of sitting still makes the masses grow restless (despite the fine selection of mediocre cinema available on our private displays attached to the seats in front of us.)  I welcomed the sedation with open arms.

Airline laptop adapters are worthless.  

I can't blame Apple's packaging gurus entirely for this, but when the description/sales pitch for the MagSafe Airline Adapter for MacBook  says that their adapter is compatible with *most* commercial airliners, what they really mean is that it is compatible with newer planes.... if you are in first class.  Oops.  

What I thought was going to be 12 hours of uninterrupted Civilization IV (in other words, the best 12 hours of my life since the last time I did that) turned into timid battery watching and the shame of wasting $70 on a worthless piece of shit.  I thought that the entertainment would be worth it as $70 divided by the 34 hours of flying (plus any other travel I do around Asia) comes out to about $2 bucks an hour to use my computer unlimitedly on my flights over the next year.  

When I purchased the adapter, I couldn't recall NOT having power attached to the handles of seats, I just figured I couldn't specifically remember ports because I've never had the occasion to use them.  Oh the tangled webs we weave.  

I'm going to sell it on eBay for $50, maybe some other poor schmuck will buy it off me and I'll overcharge for shipping.  Pay it forward ladies and gentlemen, pay it forward.

When it comes to flying, bigger is better:

Common sense would dictate that a plane carrying twice as many passengers would lead to more discomfort, worse service, and more crying babies to prevent one from falling asleep.  However, I have learned a valuable lesson -- bigger is better on airlines.  The Boeing 777, a newer model than the AirBus I took to SanFran had tons of leg room despite my seat in a column of 4 people.  

The service was quick and seemed perfectly timed.  Also, because the flight was bigger, we had flight attendants specifically designated to economy class.  On smaller flights the 8 people in first class get all of the attention while the economy scrubs are left parched, hands full of trash, and generally ignored unless you decide to embarrassingly call an attendant over using the little yellow lights conveniently located next to the spicket of recycled air.  

I guess what I'm really saying is that its worth it to upgrade to a newer plane in the fleet.  The amount of passengers is a function of a plane able to seat that many people, which means an efficient division of resources and attention to all the passengers aboard.  Of course, I had the aisle seat so perhaps my patrons in 22D and 22E would disagree with me.

I was warned that Koreans tend to bump you.

Don advised me before I left that Koreans, because their cities are so congested and interrupting the flow of the sidewalk or subway would spell disaster, tend to be contact-happy, bumping into you without saying sorry or really giving it a second thought because that is just how they roll there.  

I got my first taste of this on the flight, not from a rude bump, but from an older gentleman who for whatever reason simply could not comprehend the idea of a zone of privacy.  I realize you need to talk to your daughter over in seat H, but Jesus Christ is it absolutely necessary for you to hover over me, sitting down trying to mind my own business, with your junk in my face just to get 2 inches closer?  Walk around to the other side for God's sakes man!  

I was relieved to see him go, when 15 minutes later (after the seat belt light was on, mind you) he comes back for more genital to cranium rubbing despite my best efforts to maneuver out of his way.  This man's crotch was on a mission to rendezvous with my face, and it would not be denied this day.  It was the first time a Korean dude touched me through his pants with his penis, but something tells me it wont be the last.